So, this question will probably be pretty redundant, but do you ever have those weeks where you feel like you are just struggling to keep everything together? Because I am in the midst of one of those situations. I haven’t had one major meltdown just a lot of little nagging issues.
I think the biggest issue that is plaguing me is the start of my new job. I have worked part-time for the last 4 years while being home with my kids. I am a few short weeks away from starting a full-time job with a 1.5 hour round-trip commute. This has huge implications for the time I spend with my family and for my training. I have been seriously procrastinating with all of the paperwork I need to complete before I start the position, and it is an immense amount of paperwork. When my recruiter sent me a third postage paid envelope to return the paperwork, I got the feeling she wanted it sooner rather than later.
Some of the other issues that have been contributing to my impending mental breakdown:
I was at the local library with my kids and decided to check out some books for them. I go to the little self-check kiosk and my library card is denied. I go to the help desk and explain to the woman what happened. She scanned my card and then peered at me over her reading glasses as she said, “Well it expired in 2011.” Something in the way the librarian looked at me made me feel incompetent. I wanted to explain that I read on my e-reader, that my kids have a huge selection of books at home, or that I’ve been really busy with grad school for the last few years, and that my library card was just about one of the last things on my mind. I just sighed because I knew explaining myself would just make me seem whiney.
I was at work the other week in an empire waisted dress and my customary white lab coat when a patient’s mom says to her son, “Oh look honey she’s going to have a baby!” “Excuse me,” I stammered. “Well, you’re pregnant right?” she continues. “Ummm, no,” is about all I can manage before I dismiss her and her son to follow up in one week. I know it’s ridiculous to get worked up about a situation like this because I Know I don’t really look pregnant. It was probably just the cut of the dress combined with the bulky lab coat (right? the dress in question is pictured above). The point is that I work extremely hard in the gym and on the pavement to be in the best condition possible. It just kind of stung a little bit. It also made me question if all of this work I do to stay fit is really worth it. And BAM! that’s when I knew I was going through a rough patch. I hardly ever question why I put in the hours 6 days a week.
I was in spin class on Monday while my instructor was yelling unintelligible encouragements and I was lost in my mind, stressing about my stupid paperwork. I snapped back to reality just in time to catch my instructor yelling, “Use this time to focus on your workout, clear your mind of everything else!” In that moment I did exactly as she said and focused on the steadying of my breath, the rhythm of the jumps, and the slow burn of the hill climbs. The hour flew by in a blur and I felt completely invigorated. Shame on me for questioning my athletic pursuits!
The spin work out reminded me of the physical and mental reasons for my efforts. I have to stop letting my stress interfere with my workouts but rather, use my workouts to tame my stress. This is such a simple concept, and one that I know really well, but I guess I needed some reminding. I have to trust that everything with my family and my new job will be OK, and if it’s not, I will have to make it OK. I am a mother, wife, RN, and athlete-all roles in which problem-solving and adaptation is imperative. Failure is not an option for a mom racing madness!
Mom Racing Madness 